Tag Archives: Relationships

Buddhism and The Happy Divorce

My daughter’s mother is a wonderful mom. I am an equally wonderful dad. We did not have a wonderful marriage, but we have had a fantastic divorce. Most people that discover I am divorced usually treat me like a cancer survivor. When people discover that my daughter lives with me— the father— people almost always […]

Continue Reading

Sex and Buddhism?

Sumitta,
Is it wrong to want or have a sexual relationship if I am practicing Buddhism? If we are supposed to eliminate craving and desire then wouldn’t sex be against Buddhism?
—-

Dear Dhamma-Follower,

The Four Noble Truths is one of the simplest, yet most misunderstood, philosophical concepts ever presented. The Buddha said that there is a general dissatisfaction with the world: just by the very nature of existing as a temporal being. We are generally dissatisfied (dukkha or “suffer”) because we have cravings that we cling to. There is a solution. The way to end suffering is following the Noble Eightfold Path. [CLICK ON TITLE FOR FULL STORY]

Continue Reading

When is Suffering A Good Thing?

Trying to explain Buddhism to non-practings Buddhists can sometimes be a challenge. Nevertheless, it can also be a truly fruitful experience, because it requires you to reflect and answer questions that perhaps get unmindfully conditioned in the brain.

Speaking to a friend of mine about Buddhism, she stated, “ If Buddhism is about non-attachment then I would rather suffer. I enjoy my attachment to things like my family and friends. I may find some suffering from owning a car, but I enjoy my car more than I suffer from it.”

The world is made up of what we use and what gets in our way.

Her statements were true. I honestly believe and practice my Buddhist faith, but I enjoy my family and my pleasure in the suffering I endure with my clinging to them. I do practice unconditional love and acceptance of metta, but that is not the only love I have for them. I have that attached love of a parent and son. [CLICK ON THE TITLE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE]

Continue Reading

How to deal with Anger

Sumitta, How can I humble myself against hate and dislike? How do I response to someone who really doesn’t like me? I know I should love them, but how do I put up with it without feeling the feeling of pain and anger they give me? —– Dear Dhamma Follower, The first step is to […]

Continue Reading

Abusive Relationship and Buddhism

Sumitta, What is the Buddhist view on staying/leaving emotionally abusive relationships? If we are supposed to have loving kindness and compassion and realize that everyone just wants happiness and to avoid suffering just like ourselves, is it ever proper to endure such a relationship or would that be a hindrance to having compassion for ourselves? […]

Continue Reading

Marriage and Buddhism

My advice is always to seek love and develop love with the knowledge of the mortality of love, just as there is mortality in anything that is born. All things are impermanent, but all things are also inter-dependent. The love, compassion, and acceptance we develop with our spouses carries on beyond our marriages. The love we develop in our marriages is not less important because it is temporary, but more precious because of this fact. Two people who have bonded and joined their lives to journey their short time on this world together are a blessed by each other and are able to take a non-monastic path in their understanding of happiness, wisdom, understanding and compassion.

We must choose the Buddhists we wish to be develop and become, always understanding that the goal is not nirvana, but true happiness. While a married lay person must carry a heavier burden in the physical world, they still walk the Middle Path.

Continue Reading

Mindful Marriage: How to reconnect

After the rings are exchanged, cake is cut, honeymoon tans have faded marriages have to get down to business. The enthusiasm of this new phase in the relationship – the marriage phase—is exciting like a new car: it is shiny, sexy, smooth to ride. Like a new car, we are extra careful in how we treat our new relationships. With a car we do what we can to avoid scratches, change oil regularly, etc. In a new marriage, we work hard to avoid conflict, temptation, maintain passion.

Continue Reading

Being Alone

The holidays, we are told, are times for family. It is a time for family and friends to come together and share of themselves. It is a time where we can renew our connections with others.

It is a predominate theory that the reason human beings have large brains—brains that use about 20% of our energy output—is because we are hyper-social creatures. We do not have claws, fur, and animal strength: what we have is our communal power.

Continue Reading

Suffering, Divorce and Buddhism

We cannot be perfect Buddhists every moment of every day. Especially during the challenges of divorce, but we can start orienting ourselves to see the benefits of accepting life as it comes and dealing with it positively.

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO FIND SOME HAPPINESS DURING A DIVORCE

1) Meditate— Sitting quietly for 30 minutes a day, over a two week period, has proven to reduce stress, reduce anxiety, and create inner calm, lower blood pressure and blood sugar.

2) Giving—Taking time to donate your time and effort to others develops compassion and forgiveness. It is also a good safe way to start new social networks outside of the previous marriage

3) Listening—everyone tells you that you should “talk it out.” Unfortunately, we do not reflect when we talk. Talking is good for venting, but listening is good for comprehension and insight. Find someone who wants to talk and listen to them without interjection or turning the conversation back to you. Soon you will start understanding a lot more about yourself.

Continue Reading

Nirvana and Happiness

In this we way we understand that self, as a permanent and real “thing” does not exist. It does not have a true nature and is therefore defined as “empty” in Buddhism. When the body and mind are seen as one impermanent subjective process, it is possible to see the world from view free from the delusion of “I”.

Free from the delusion of self and body as permanent, the awareness that is us can re-engage with the world around us with a different outlook. A view and understanding of the world free from the shackles of clinging, aversion and ignorance. The use of “I,” “we” or “you” in a sentence is one of utilitarian necessity rather than of conceptual reality. The ego gone emotions are no longer stirred up the same way a catfish stirs up the mud when it swims or slashes against the river’s bottom. The wisdom of the empty, connected and impermanent nature of all things removes the value of all things, which eradicates the condition of greed and hate.

Without hate, greed and delusion; without the ignorant view of “I”; within engaged wisdom through proper observation— a state of happiness is created without the need for condition or origin. This state of awareness is not blind to the past and future, but not determined unmindfully by it, is Nirvana.

Continue Reading

Instinct is one reason why realtionships fail

There is a serious perception problem that good relationships are ones that never disagree, argue or fight. It is impossible for two people to cohabitate for any length of time in perfect harmony. Recognizing disagreement and stress then actively engaging together to work through those issues is the best way to resolve serious problems later on.

It may often seem the wrong choice to confront your significant other when you are feeling that there is a problem, but it is almost always the best direction for resolution. And if you are afraid that the resolution will end in your significant other leaving, that needs to be addressed as well. Otherwise, the misery that comes from being afraid your relationship will end will be the single largest contributor ensuring that it does.

Continue Reading

Buy on Apples, Sell on Cheese

Investigating these qualities in meditation is the first step in understanding how we add context to the world around us: How we “eat apples” when we want to be critical and “eat cheese” when we want the world to seem more pleasant. Never investigating our direct unadulterated experience with the wine (aka “life”), we never educate ourselves to its full experience.

Without removing the context created by our conditioning, we have no true understanding of the world around us. We will forever be avoiding people, judging them 2 dimensionally, lusting for Ms. Wrong,; and making judgments in life based on delusional and ignorant information. It is in this slumbering twilight that most of us live in called samsara. The Buddha (which means “awakened one”) was able to shine the light of clear understanding and wisdom so that we all brush the sleep from our eyes and see that we are the owners of our misery, because we spend more time drinking from life’s cup with opinion rather than compassion.

Continue Reading

Hatred is Never Appeased By Hatred

Indulging in unwholesome energy only creates the appetite for more negativity. An aware mind stays focused on embracing positive energy and putting value on deep happiness instead of instant negative gratification.

This is one of the benefits of meditation, is to build an awareness of what is happening around us, and what is being created within and projected out into the world as real. The more we practice this mindfulness, the better we are at becoming better navigators through life: avoiding the tidal currents that urge us into so many unwholesome situations.

Continue Reading

Quarrels Destroy Happiness

The Calm

Be mindful when the feelings arise where our feet plan firmly in the ground and our minds harden to defend a viewpoint. These are potential signs that the usually mean that we close our minds and hearts to what is really of value.

Our lives are finite and temporary, embrace the time that we have and engage with life fully as if time were limited—because it is.

Continue Reading